I know I probably shouldn’t be writing shit like this considering this guy might read my blog, but here goes. I recently moved to Los Angeles as many of you know. Why did I make this move? Well, I made a decision based on a penis I was fond of. Isn’t that how all good decisions are made these days? So, I moved down to Southern California and moved in with a boy, a wonderful boy. I’ve never in my life lived with a boy that I was dating…ever. It’s certainly a new experience.
One of the downsides of moving in with a man is that the mystery of dating is gone. You know, that little spark where you get butterflies when he calls you and asks you out on a date. There are no dates when you live together. You make pizza in the oven and eat it on the sofa in your sweatpants. There’s no point in always keeping up the appearance of makeup; you wash it off at night and wake up looking just as you are. The first day I moved in and unpacked my things, I rationed tampons into the bathroom like I was on some fucking covert operation.
The boy and I have a life here together though where we share a bed and a roof. I have my own corner of the room with my own dresser and my own space in the closet. I have my own section of space under the bathroom sink and my own hamper for my clothes in the bedroom. It’s nice when you move in with someone and you create your own space. It makes you feel like your sharing a life together instead of intruding. I left my Hello Kitty bathroom and pink kitchen behind me and I moved to a man cave which, as appealing as it sounds, still leaves me getting used to a few things.
I like my new life here with the boy, but one thing I can’t stand? The other women we live with. They’re hanging near the closet on a swimsuit calendar, they’re wiping down the iphone screen on an application for “hot skanks” and they’re all over the computer screen as well. It’s not that I have a problem with him looking at other hot girls. I’d rather have him look at girls in magazines and calendars and superficial.com than have him look at real life girls on the street. I would appreciate it though if once in awhile he would look at me and tell me that I was beautiful or pretty instead of just ogling my boobs. I know my tits are fucking fantastic, this is not news people.
So I want to hear it from you readers: What is your stance on having your partner look at other people? We all know it’s human nature, but do you catch them and call them on it or do you let it slide? Should I let something like this go even though it hurts my feelings? I guess I wouldn’t mind if he looked at other girls so much if he looked at me and told me he thought I was beautiful. I want a guy who comes home from work and can’t keep his hands off of me, not a guy who comes home and stares at pictures of Megan Fox online. People are complaining about Megan Fox having a creepy thumb and a camel toe in recent pictures, and it makes me wonder what people think are wrong with me.
Our only other problem at this point is the sleeping arrangement. His snoring is an easy fix as long as I have my earplugs in, but I don’t know how he deals with me hogging the bed and rolling around at night.
My husband points out hot chicks to me in public all the time. But I’ll be honest, if he had pictures of hot chicks hanging up in his office or on his computer, I’d be put off. I don’t know how old your guy is, but there comes a time when that just seems a little juvenille, you know? But that’s just me…
Jill: he doesn’t have pics hanging up in his office or anything like that. he’s adult about it and there are no porno magazines or tapes in the house. it’s just pictures on gossip websites and one calendar in the bedroom. not a huge deal, but slightly annoying when he talks about how hot other girls are and never compliments me.
i know it’s in a guys nature to look at other women. i look at other guys, but i’m not so obvious about it.
i’m with you. when my now-husband and i moved in together, i made him throw out the st. pauli girl poster (i wish i was kidding) and some other fab wall decor from his frat house years. i even made him pitch the giant can of heineken on his mantle. i’d just ask him to look at pictures of hot girls when you aren’t home and it’s not in your face because frankly, if he greets you with a happy penis, everything’s all good
Great post! It’s very honest, very real and I feel for you. You’re right, it’s a dude’s nature for them to look at other chicks, or check out your boobs or your ass, whatever kinda guy they are. Some thoughts on your question: should your guy have pictures of other chicks all over the place and should you say something about it? Yes, you should definitely say something about it. You should also be with someone that does look at you and tell you how beautiful you are, at least on occasion and in their own way. It’s a wonderful feeling to know and to hear that you are loved inside and out. You deserve someone that thinks you’re a beautiful princess! Maybe this guy does but this is all new to him so you may have to point a few things out. If he totally doesn’t get it or it doesn’t seem authentic to you, then you may have to rethink your relationship. In the end, it will bother you enough that you may become paranoid and there is nothing worse than that. Remember, we are goddesses and should be treated like one! There is nothing wrong or self-centered with knowing and truly feeling loved, it’s what you deserve.
regardless of whether he should or shouldn’t have pictures of other women or look at hot chicks on the street, your guy needs to make YOU feel beautiful and let you know that you are the only one he wants. if he’s not showing you any affection or expressing his attraction toward you, i can completely understand getting irked by the “other” women. you deserve to be treated as a precious, beautiful, sexy, awesome person.
Do the two of you have good communication with each other? Would you feel comfortable telling him these feelings you’re having? If not, it might be something to work towards. If it hurts your feelings, it should be talked about. It’s obviously affecting you, so letting those feelings fester could spell trouble down the road. Better to stave them off now than suffer the consequences in the end.
There comes a time in every guy’s life when he just needs to grow up and shed that part of their former “bachelor” life. He has a new life now. With you. This new life introduces some changes, which may include ditching the posters, calendars, and magazines loaded with scantily clad women.
I’m sure this guy thinks you’re attractive, as you certainly are. He may just have trouble expressing it. It can be really difficult for some, while effortless for others. Complimenting is a learned skill, especially when it comes to sincere compliments. There’s certainly a difference when someone looks you up and down and says, “You’re hot” and when someone looks you straight in the eyes, mesmerized, and says, “You’re beautiful.” Unfortunately for us guys, we usually have to learn that the hard way. It takes a few times of getting it wrong before we can get it right. Timing plays a role in that, too. A misplaced compliment could sound phony or insincere. He just has to learn you. He’ll have to learn when and how to compliment you. And don’t forget, this is all a two way street. Guys need compliments too, just perhaps slightly different ones. (We really don’t need to hear how great our hair looks tonight…)
The most important thing is to talk. Talk about it all. The posters, the compliments, the encouragement, the snoring, the bed hogging, all of it. Small problems can blossom in to large problems. Some of those small problems might turn out to be non-issues for the other. Only one way to find out…. Talk!
i don’t mind knowing if my significant other finds someone hot, but if we’re in public and his head does a 360 everytime he sees a hot girl, i’d be a little pissed. i don’t have a problem with them having pics of a few hot celebrities on their computer or phone or whatever, but if they pay more attention to girls wiping down their iphone or girls walking down the street than they are to me, then yea, i get pissed. it needs to be obvious that you’re his #1 and the hottest piece to him, and that he just likes to take a harmless peek at someone else once in awhile… as long as i can sneak a peek at some hot men once in awhile.
If you’ve found a penis you enjoy, it might just motivate you to move across the country. Let’s just be real.
I can kinda relate to your situation. My boyfriend practically lives here (shh…don’t tell my parents). I miss the mystery sometimes. And you start to learn more about the kinds of women he finds attractive. Particularly when we’re watching TV together, Beyonce pops on the screen, and his eyes are glued to the screen.
I guess I understand to a point, but I try to ask him to at least be respectful. Look, but don’t touch. Look, but don’t whistle. Look, but remember who you’re sleeping next to at night. So don’t piss me off.
Ehh… I would not be okay with it. Every girl wants to be told how beautiful she is and I think every boy has problems expressing it. And then, to top it off him eye-ing other women speaks volumes to you. We women are so complex.
The calender should definitely go. It’s your space too and you could always ask him if you have anything he would like taken down.
My boyfriend makes comments about other girls sometimes, and not always just a “oh, she’s cute”, if you know what I mean. I kindly remind him to remember who he’s talking to and that I never say stuff like that to him about other guys. Most of the time I just think he does it to either push my buttons or because he thinks of me as a friend too and that’s something he would say to his guy friends.
Bottom line, tell him it bothers you and tell him that you wouldn’t mind some compliments sometimes. Maybe throw some compliments his way, you know, show him how it’s done.
If he doesn’t get it, print up a huge picture of a naked guy and put it above your bed, then make comments about it during inopportune times. haha
I’m totally with Stephanie.
You may have to have an awkward moment, but you’ll get your point across, which will last much longer than the awkward moment.
Hm… well, definitely a little odd that he would overtly compliment other women while almost ignoring you.
(But weren’t you aware of his habits before you moved in together?)
Might be the fact that he feels all ‘manly’ in his flat? It’s his pad, and he’ll be a caveman if he wants to? (Not sure, just grabbing at straws here).
Sounds a bit like a jerk tho’; talk to him, that oughta fix things up.
(You do have amazing breasts, but it’s not like you have an ugly face or something… he should be appreciative!)
What concerns me is the sentence about letting it go on even if it hurts your feelings. Anything that hurts your feelings needs to be addressed. If your needs and wants aren’t being met then the relationship will fail. Living with someone can be tough and all good relationships need constant work and compromise so don’t be afraid to be honest about your feelings.
I wonder if the pictures would bother you if you were getting the emotional connection you expect in the first place?
But remember that you can’t make anyone other than yourself change.
You seem like a wonderful woman that deserves to be in a healthy relationship and receive love that is positive. I hope that he is empathetic to your feelings and it works out.
If it was me….I’d call him out on it… I usually say “Have a nice look did you?” but then I’m a bit of a jealous moo…
I was wondering why you moved there…
Well, hm, I guess I vary on the subject a bit. Would I want that many reminders of hot girls around my residence if I lived with my man? No way. I’d feel uncomfortable, and he should understand that. However, if my guy checks out a girl while we’re at the bar or something, it doesn’t much bother me.
It’d be unnatural if we weren’t both physically attracted to other people. And he’s with me, so I tend to not worry. If I catch him looking, I look at her, too, and say “damn, did you see her boobs?” or “she’s really not that great looking.”
But if he’s not complimenting you, yet looking at other ladies, it’s def a no no. Say something. Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel about it, and maybe he’d be more understanding if he actually did.
Here’s the thing. Most men have their brain wired a bit wrong. They assume that since they’re WITH you, that automatically means that they prefer you above everyone else and you should know that. They don’t understand that it’s important for them to tell you the things that they think are assumed.
You just need to talk to him about it. Tell him that you don’t mind that he mentions girls who are attractive, but that you also want to feel like he finds you attractive. If he says, “But we have sex all the time”, explain that you just need him to take the time occasionally to say the words using his mouth not his actions.
I agree w/ the others that say you need to talk to him about it.
As much as we’d love for guys to be mind-readers they just aren’t.
I think if he KNEW that it was bothering you and still didn’t do anything to help the situation, then he’s a prick, but until then you can’t fault him b/c he probably has no idea how you feel.
And on a personal note, I’d rather a guy look at girls on the computer or whatever than at himself ALL the time. Sounds weird, but the last guy I dated was WAY into himself.
Bleh.
I clearly haven’t been updated, first congrats on your move. I love LA!
Anyway, maybe you should talk to him about it or give a joking hint. Saying things like, “Hey I’m hot too!” Or something playfully. Just saying. I still say internet is better than checking up on women in real life.
I don’t have anything to add here that hasn’t been said already. Just wanted to note the different side of you we’re seeing here. So you are human… Hope everything’s worked out.
I really enjoyed your story and unfortunately you are not the last person that will experience this.
One of my mentors Jack Canfield, the author of The Chicken Soup For The Soul Series, and his The Success Principles. He was also in The Secret. You can listen to Free mp3s about his philosophy at http://www.thebigwhitebook.com
The only 2 people that can change any thing about your relationship are you and your partner. Normally everyones knows about your problem except for the two that van do anything about it. That means, we your readers, know, your mom, knows, your aunt knows.
It’s normal to ask others for advice, but only the 2 of you and agree to a solution.
Jack says, if you were to talk with your partner and ask the question. ” If you were to rate our relationship on a scale of 1 to 10, and ten being the best what would you rate our relationship?
And your partner rated your relationship less than a 10.
Your response is ” What must I do to make it a 10.
His answer would be for examlpe.
* Surpise me for lunch
* Wear a different hairstyle
* Be creative and wake me up in the am with hot wet kisses from head to toe
* Flirt with me more
Theses are only examples, and you say great, and put forth and effort to make it happen. Hopefully he was honest and now you are satisfying what he wanted all along.
Now it’s your turn.
Your answer would be for example.
* Remove The women on your phone
* Remove the women from your screen saver
* Remove the women from your mind
If you are the one he for him and he you, then agreements will be made and your relationship can grow and prosper.
If you are and he are not the one you will eventually go your separate ways, good penis or not.
John Gray wrote Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
I have found that when I cannot find the answers and make the right chioces I read about the successful failures that became success stories in the books that they have written.
If there are women that you have seen in your life time, that you really admire, why not model the positives that you like to become who you really want to be.
After you are ok with whom you have become from the people you have met and the books that you have read you now can accept you for you and him for him.
I wish you the best and would love to hear your feedback.
PS: This is my interpretation of how I understood the principals and philosophies of Jack Canfied and John Gray.
Dallas
ooo girl, nothing wrong with feelings this way. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND IT….how to deal with it, hmmmm not too sure…..
its a Guy tendency, u cant stop him to stare @ other chicks, u know if ur guy has Megan Fox @ home and u are on rad then he will stare @ u.
We value things more when they are not with us, its not chicks, its with anything in the whole world and its the fact…..digest it or creep it all ur wish……