So, yesterday, I got this wild hair up my butt to go to the beach. I don’t know why I decided to go. The beach and I are never friends. I have a bikini top that my boobs need to be shoved into, i leave with sand in unpleasant places, and i more often than not acquire a tiny sunburn. I hate putting on suntan lotion, but it’s rather necessary given that I am transparent. Have you all met my mother, by the way? The African American woman who gave birth to me, but totally forgot to give me melanin but blessed me with black girl, curly, crazy hair and a booty to boot. Yea, thanks mom.
I hate putting on suntan lotion, but I do it anyways. I never ever try to tan as it’s just really pointless and even unhealthy. So, being the health conscious girl that I am, what did I buy at the store? That’s right kids, one hundred SPF neutrogena sun screen. One hundred. Who does that? Me, that’s who. I get made fun of SO much for it too. Everyone else in the car on the way to the beach smelled like baby oil. I smelled like I bathed in a vat of sun screen…which, in case you are wondering, isn’t my favorite smell.
We were at the beach for about two hours. I sat with a towel over my face to prevent freckling and I re-applied my sun screen once while I was there. You wanna know where I forgot to reapply though? My entire freaking back and my feet. I had dug my feet deep into the sand and let them cool off. I was also hiding the fact that my pedicure looked less than desirable right about then.
When we left the beach, I was pleased to see that my arm looked slightly tanner. I quickly realized however that it was simply a combination of new freckles and dirty sand. Damn. Too good to be true.
After getting home I noticed that my feet were on FIRE. I looked down to see that my red toe nail polish perfectly matched the color of the rest of my foot. I could barely walk on them. I had small burns on my breasts, my thighs (I sound like a KFC meal here, don’t I? Breasts and thighs!) and on my back. The worst burn was on my back though. It looked so red compared to my pale white skin.
I slipped on a strapless comfy dress and tried to find a position to sit in that didn’t hurt me. The boy got home and was shocked by how red my back was turning. It wasn’t bad enough that I needed to see a doctor. I’d gotten a burn much worse than this once on vacation in Florida. Still though, it was miserable.
I lay on the couch as the boy brought me ice packs, rubbed creams on me, and sat next to me and rubbed….well, he pretty much rubbed my ass because it was the only thing on me that was not burned and didn’t seem to hurt when he touched it.
“No more sun for you, little lobster.” He said. “My poor little lobster….you want me to rub butter on you?” He joked and tried to make me feel better.
The worst part of this all? I feel awful because I was supposed to walk to the market today and go and buy a birthday present for the boy (who is celebrating tomorrow) and I can’t even walk my feet hurt so bad. I’m supposed to be baking a birthday cake and wrapping and buying a present for him and all I can do is sit here and reflect upon what a dumb idea it was to go out to the beach. Let this be a lesson to me.
I was practically asleep and in tears when he snapped this photo of me. The lesson of this story? Maddie should never go out in the California sun again. Even with 100 SPF, I still manage to get burned. Ouch!
Oh, and since Sebastian asked in the comments of my last blog post for a picture of what I have been looking like on a daily basis, I give you this: It’s titled “The boy broke my hair dryer so I don’t do my hair and I’m unemployed and enjoy comfy clothes.” Cute, right? Wow, that’s two shitty pics of me in one blog post. Sweet!
Sweet Jesus that looks painful. Ouch.
Oh Maddie! You are too cute for words!
Hello Aloe Vera!
While I’m nowhere near as transparent as you are, my brother is and everytime he puts on his 75 SPF, and still gets burned, I give him a giant bottle of St. Ives Vitamin E body lotion. I swear it’s the only reason he doesn’t have permanent scars. Try it. You’ll like it and it’s not expensive. I wouldn’t use ice, but butter actually works on thermal burns, it keeps you hydrated and stops you from blistering. Somehow I don’t think you want to slather yourself in the stuff though…
That looks seriousy painful, no matter how cute you look in the picture
I wonder why I don’t really burn, my crazy Asian self maybe. Sure I can get darker skin, but never really tanned and not burn.
I think you got sundburned on purpose just so you didnt have to cook a cake
ryan
oooo ouch!
sounds silly but have a warm bath…stops it burning so much..
p.s. you look cute!
I’m going on a float trip this weekend and have already stocked up on SPF 85, so I’m right there with you. The last time I went to the lake for a 4th of July trip a few years ago, I ended up cutting my knee open on the bottom of the boat while water skiing (which later required a tentanus booster) and burning myself so badly that I ran a fever for three days. I’m hoping to come back after this weekend only partially charbroiled.
Wow, your hair is like… FIRE! Flame-kissed copper. Very pretty.
And the t-shirt all but hides your fantastic boobage.
Oh wow, that does look horribly painful and I hope it’s at least started to fade now. I used to think I couldn’t get really sunburned (my skin being the colour it is) I just turn as dark as the road. So imagine my surprise when I get sunburned to the point of almost getting sun poisoning at VA beach. That was a miserable weekend.
I also had freckles for the first time in my life. That was wacky.
Hi Maddie. Just stopped by to see what my melanin challenged sistah was up to in LA. Hope all is well,… besides the sunburn, ouch!! I’m sure Sydney is a happy camper these days. Don’t ya miss the big cornfield a little bit? lol
alan! long time no talk (via my comment section)
hope all is well with you=)
kendall-that’s so crazy that you of all people got burned. now you know my pain.
sebastian-that’s quite possibly the nicest thing anyone has said about the color of my hair. thank you=)
kate-i hope your boat trip went burn free this weekend!
pinkjellybaby-the warm baths have helped tremendously. i’ve become a prune, but it stopped all the burning=)
Semen applied directly to the burned area can help heal it very quickly.
I’ve applied the SPF 100 before and still burned. Damn white skin!
I prefer to call it my “sweater in a bottle,” even though it occasionally does not work.
avitable- i’ve tried that out…you know, by accident. it doesn’t seem to work. sometimes i think you just enjoy rubbing semen all over yourself and you are trying to get others to join in this ritual, but it won’t work. not on me.
amindinmotown- haha. i love that name! sweater in a bottle=)
You poor girl. Ouch!! I’ve done this too many times to count…you’d think I’d learn my lesson! Solarcaine works wonders for the pain though…it comes in a spray on and in an aloe vera form. Try it out…seriously!
I’ve burned like that too many times to count. I’m the same way you are. I don’t tan, I burn and it’s usually in about two minutes flat even with sunblock on. Try using Bull Frog sunblock – it’s the only thing that worked for me while on the Equator.
are you really black??
sara-yes. my mom is really african american. she is much much much darker than me and for some reason, i just turned out really pale. strange, huh?